Opening up about grief at work
By Jo Faragher on 22 February 2024
It’s not something that’s always openly discussed in the workplace, but 77% of British employees have experienced bereavement, according to a survey by funeral company CPJ Field. Yet despite so many of us experiencing grief, 43% of workers were not offered paid leave to attend a funeral, and 19% took no time off to grieve. Furthermore, there is no legal requirement in the UK for a company to have a policy covering paid bereavement leave – something that can lead to inconsistency and misunderstanding across different employers.
According to conciliation service Acas, anyone legally classed as an employee has the right to time off if a dependant dies or their child is stillborn or dies under the age of 18. A dependant could include their spouse or partner, or anyone who relies on their care. There are some other recent developments in this area: employees now have a legal right to two weeks’ paid leave if a child dies – thanks to Jack’s Law introduced in 2020; and the Shared Parental Leave and Pay (Bereavement) Bill, which would guarantee day-one leave and pay for bereaved single parents, has recently passed the first stage in parliament. Other than this, the law does not say how much time they can take off if a dependant or someone close to them dies. Many employers offer compassionate leave, but this is down to managers’ discretion and varies hugely.
CPJ Field argues that having an official bereavement policy should be a requirement, because navigating difficult conversations during such a challenging period could be easier if following a framework. In its survey, 82% of people who had been bereaved felt there should be an official paid bereavement policy for employees.
All out in the open
Policies aside, it’s crucial that organisations create an open culture around discussing grief – whether that’s the loss of a relative, a miscarriage, or the death of an important friend. The Civil Service has been operating grief cafes for a number of years now, with its mailing list attracting thousands of employees. Keela Shackell-Smith, inclusion manager at the Food Standards Agency, began the cafes with a short 30-minute meeting in the Cabinet Office in 2019, and then hosted them every few months because they were in such high demand.
The Covid pandemic exacerbated her own grief around the death of a loved one, and she realised that others would be feeling the same, so she began to host the cafes again on a monthly basis. In her blog on the subject, she explains: “The cafe is a trigger for people, so I need to state that there are no judgements in the Grief Cafe. Some people speak, whilst others just listen in companionable silence. Your grief could be years ago, or it could be recent and feel very raw. No judgements are ever passed on another person’s grief, but the cafe is a place to share and connect with others in the same boat.”
One of the key things encouraged in the cafe is to say the person’s name, she adds: “Too often, friends are scared to utter your loved one’s name anymore for fear of upsetting you. Or you find that you haven’t said their name for a long time. Grief Cafe is an apt time to talk about the person who has died to acknowledge what you’re feeling, say their name aloud and why they remain so important to you.” People who participate in the cafes call them a “lifeline”, with many finding they complement their own counselling.
Signposting support
Tailoring support for employees – rather than assuming that everyone will benefit from the same thing – is crucial, advises Christine Husbands, commercial director for RedArc. She says: “There appears to be a misconception that anyone who is bereaved needs bereavement counselling, but grief is a normal human process following the death of someone close and not everyone needs bereavement counselling.
For those experiencing bereavement, there is often a big benefit in being able to talk to someone outside of the individual’s circle of family and friends, but the most effective support needs to be much more holistic and longer term than just a short-term block of therapy.”
Husbands advocates that organisations signpost specialist groups for those experiencing grief, as these can make a more tangible difference by allowing the employee to discuss their experiences with people who have gone through something similar – some examples might be someone who has lost someone to suicide, anticipatory loss (where a close friend or relative has been given a terminal diagnosis) or a stillbirth. These areas often have dedicated charities who can offer their own resources and offer a sense of community that an employer cannot provide.
Cost issues
Over the past couple of years, one of the additional challenges facing those who are facing bereavement is the cost of living. Before a close relative or dependant has died, they may have faced costs of emergency healthcare assistance or nursing care, or their carer may have needed to take time off work to attend appointments. End of life support charity Sue Ryder has called this a “cost of dying” crisis, and has called on the government to provide targeted support.
Where this is not available, however, employers can offer support in terms of flexibility with paid leave or access to healthcare benefits – many of which may be within existing benefits they already offer. The charity found that 91% of people at the end of life have struggled to attend medical or day centre appointments due to such barriers, with one of the biggest being friends and family unable to take them due to their own work commitments.
Short-term and long-term impact
The charity Cruse Bereavement Care offers a range of advice for workplaces on this issue, including newly launched Grief First Aid Training, a three-module course that helps participants to build the skills to talk to bereaved colleagues and peers, and understand how to assist them. It also offers advice on how organisations can set up peer support networks to facilitate group support where needed. It advises that businesses have a clear bereavement policy and that it’s important to understand how grief affects someone both mentally and physically. “Remember that everyone grieves differently and there is no timescale for feeling better,” the charity advises. “Some people may cope well in the days and weeks after someone dies but need support many months later.”
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